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Stage of Life

  • Senior to Senior: Aches and Pains

    We joking say that that “if nothing hurts, we must be dead,” which is a sad commentary indeed. No matter how you look at it, none of us are immune to the aches, pains, and stiffness that accompany “old age.”

    We laughingly compare symptoms, but deep down we just want them to go away.  Well, that’s not likely, but hopefully we can find ways to make them tolerable.

    Aches and pains are not a joke. They are real. Every time you have to remind yourself to stand up straight or find yourself rubbing your aching back, you know that you can no longer pretend that everything is fine.

    Aches and pain are more than minor inconveniences; they are constant reminders that you aren’t as young as you used to be. Plus, they keep getting worse, and you don’t know what to do to make them stop

    Don’t downplay what you are feeling right now. Persistent pain can lead to immobility, depression, sleep problems, loss of appetite and isolation. You don’t want to let needless suffering and declining self-care capabilities be a part of your future.

    Seniors, for the most part, cope with discomfort very well, but the mistaken belief that pain is inevitable can presents a barrier. Our “grin and bear it” philosophy may actually work against us.

    The causes of pain can be varied, but it is often fear that keeps us from seeking help. The fear of needing additional tests,  the fear of necessary surgery,  or even the thought of taking more pills can be seriously  off-putting.

    Although drugs are often the treatment of choice there are other effective ways to tone down discomfort. Consider Physical therapy, massage, strength training, relaxation exercises, acupuncture, water aerobics,  alternating applications of heat and cold, or meditation. Sounds a lot like pampering yourself, doesn’t it? Well, there is nothing wrong with that.

    Seek a diagnosis and then embrace a treatment plan. It might be a lot of work and probably includes diet and exercises that you don’t like at all, but it is possible that you might come to enjoy the way gentle stretches, hot showers, and warmth from a heating pad makes you feel.   

  • Senior to Senior: Stress

    Feeling anxious? Feeling stressed? You’d think seniors would have a handle on everyday stressors by now, but most of us haven’t.  In fact, we have fine-tuned worry into an art form.  Worry is what we do best. We worry about the past, the present, and the future.  It’s a full-time job.

    Humans have a long history of dealing with stress. Distant “ancestors” depended on stress to survive hostile terrains, uncertain elements, and pesky wooly mammoths. Our problems would likely have seemed like a piece of cake to them but are insurmountable to us. We internalize stress to the point where a wooly mammoth would be preferable.

    Old age has never been given a pass. There are so many things to worry about that it boggles the mind. Consciously we know that worry doesn’t accomplish anything, but it still keeps us awake at night and ties our stomachs in knots.  We understand stress better now, but we still struggle to deal with it.

    Stress has no age limit. Remember the butterflies we had on the first day of school? We survived. We have bigger and more important stuff to worry about now, like agonizing over past mistakes, fuming about the present, and dreading the future.

    Studies confirm that stress has a negative effect on health and aging, but at least we know that the effects don’t have to be permanent. The body is used to handling stress and returns to baseline as soon as the moment  is over.

    However. the negative effects of stress are real, and they can contribute to  physical and mental distress. The upside is that stress was not designed to kill us, but to help our body, brains, and mind meet threats and challenges.

    Your job, if you decide to accept it, is to prevent your immune cells from aging. Do this by taking care of yourself and managing your stress. All you need to do is ditch unhealthy habits, focus on things that give you joy, and seek help if you can’t handle it on your own. There is no shame in asking for help.

  • Senior to Senior: Frailty

    Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you still healthy and robust looking, or are you starting to look a little frail, or oh so elderly?

    Nobody wants to look frail or elderly, but the onset of frailty is subtle, and it tends to sneak up on you, so be ever vigilant.

    You know you can handle ordinary aches and pains, but when it takes forever to bounce back from an illness or an injury it can be demoralizing.  A cold that used to last 7days now lasts 3-weeks and you consider yourself lucky that it didn’t turn into pneumonia.

    Yes, you have slowed down a little, but that’s normal, isn’t it? Not everyone who is old is frail, but how do you know when you are getting close to crossing the line?

    Check in with yourself on occasion. Ask yourself, “How am I doing, and Is this good enough?”  Key indicators of frailty focus on physical abilities (weakness, slowness, exhaustion, physical inactivity and unintentional weight loss). If you answer yes to 3,4, or 5 to these traits you may already be in trouble.

    Yikes, these symptoms are pretty common and they may already apply.  Carefully consider your walking speed, your muscle strength, your level of fatigue, and how many health problems you have. The more “things” you have wrong with you the more likely you are to be frail.

    If you can’t be objective enough on your own, seek help.  Don’t wait for someone else to bring it up, this is on you.

    Unfortunately, the old-fashioned family physician who cared for you until he/she retired or died has become a rare breed. Nowadays you will be lucky if you see your primary care physician once a year. Someone in your health care system will see you and treat your symptoms, but they don’t really “know” you. It is up to you to be on top of things. 

    The earlier you/they recognize the signs of impending frailty the better the chances are of reversing some of them.

    Suck it up. Frailty is not an inevitable part of aging. Remaining strong, healthy, and reasonably robust is on you.

  • Senior to Senior: Frailty

     Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you still healthy and robust looking, or are you starting to look a little frail, and oh so elderly?       

    Nobody wants to look frail or elderly, but the onset of fragility is subtle, and it tends to sneak up on you. Be vigilant.

    You can handle ordinary aches and pains but taking forever to bounce back from an illness or an injury is demoralizing.  A cold that used to last 7days becomes a 3-week ordeal, and you are lucky if it didn’t turn into pneumonia.   

    Yes, you have slowed down a little, but that’s normal, isn’t it? Not everyone who is old is frail, but how do you know when you are getting close to crossing the line?

    Check in with yourself on occasion. Ask yourself, “How am I doing? Is this good enough?”  Key indicators focus on physical abilities (weakness, slowness, exhaustion, physical inactivity and unintentional weight loss). If you answer yes to 3,4, or 5 of these traits you may already be in trouble.

    Yikes, these symptoms are pretty common and they may already apply.  Consider your walking speed, your muscle strength, your level of fatigue, and how many health problems you have. The more “things” you have wrong with you the more likely you are to be frail.

    If you can’t be objective enough on your own, seek help.  Don’t wait for someone else to bring it up, this is on you.

    Unfortunately, the old-fashioned family physician who cared for your until they retired or died, is a rare breed anymore. Nowadays you will be lucky if you see your primary care physician once a year. Someone in your health care system will see you and treat your symptoms, but they don’t really know you. Ask questions. 

    The earlier you/they recognize the signs of impending fragility the better the chances are of reversing some of them. Of course it will mean nutritional counseling, physical therapy and yes, an exercise program.

     Suck it up. Fragility is not an inevitable part of aging but remaining strong, healthy, and reasonably robust will be up to you.   

  • Senior to Senior: Read a Book

    Read a book today, well maybe not a whole book, but you know what I mean. Well-read people are more apt to be taken seriously, and we all hope for that.

     A good book is a great socialization tool, but even more important is the news that it slows cognitive decline. You know what that means. Instead of taking a handful of supplements you can just read the newspaper or a good novel. You will relax, reduce stress, and sharpen your brain all at the same time.  

    I hate hearing friends declare, quite proudly I might add, that they do not like to read.  We grew up at a time when television and video games were not an option, so I wonder what they did during their spare time.    

    For me it was a “no brainer.” When I was kid Saturday mornings were special. We went to town. I would take my .25 cents a week allowance, check out 5-6 books from the library, buy a sackful of penny candy and spend the day curled up with a good book.

    I loved to read then, and I love to read now. The upside is that I no longer have to feel guilty about not enjoying the classics. Studies tell us that it doesn’t matter what you read. Any reading is linked to improved health and enhanced problem solving. What you read isn’t as important as reading itself.

    You can learn a lot from a good story, any story, fiction or otherwise. Pick your genre, anything that piques your interest. Newspapers, comic books, graphic novels, short stories, biographies, action adventure, popular romances, and surprisingly audio books count too.

    Don’t despair if you don’t read well, or at all.  It is never too late to find an adult literacy group and embark on the greatest adventure of your lifetime. Let your grandchildren help you. They will be thrilled, and children’s books these days are great fun. No kids, then join a Book Club and meet kindred spirits. Do your brain a favor. Read a book today.

  • Senior to Senior: Nourishment

    Anorexia isn’t just a teenage issue. Anorexia of aging is real, and it has nothing to do with the desire to appear fashionably thin.

    Cooking for one is boring and frankly takes more energy than most of us can muster.  In the old days, when we were cooking for a family, it was a no-brainer. We made sure that meals included the right amount of protein, grains, and vegetables, but it seems harder now.

    If you cook at all you end up making and eating the same meal all week, and freezing small portions isn’t all it is cracked up to be.  The real kicker is that dulled tastebuds, decreased sense of smell, and side effects from medications all contribute to food not tasting the way it used too.   

    Special dietary needs, mandatory or imaginary, changed everything years ago, but that was no excuse.   Even our doctors have now concluded that just getting some semi nutritious calories into us is more important than anything else. Something called quality of life.

    A seniors shopping cart will be filled with frozen entrees and protein shakes. Meat and fresh produce are perishable and too expensive to risk ending up in the garbage.

    The real problem is that you don’t feel hungry. Mealtimes slide by and you end up ravenous later on when it is too late to make anything proper. You snack. Calories yes, nutrition no.

    Yes, there are cookbooks available that cater to solo meal preparation if cooking is your thing.  More likely than not, you will be looking for a few easy recipes that you can mix and fix in a mug. Don’t laugh.  You can microwave cheesy scrambled eggs in a mug in less than a minute, and they are really quite good?

    If you still love to cook you can take classes, join a friend, plan ahead, cook, freeze and do all the things that you are supposed to do, but otherwise all you can do is remain mindful. Join others for meals at the Senior Center or consider Meals on Wheels or other delivery services. Do something, because you have to eat in order to thrive.

  • Senior to Senior: Adapting

    Why can’t everything stay the same? It is hard to be positive when your life has been thrown into disarray, but you can do this. Adapting is what we do.   

    This could be, should be, the best time of your life, but dealing with all of the changes that occur can be quite challenging.  Our bodies and our minds seem to be in competition to see which one can beat us down first. It is important to stay in control.  

    Aches and pains emerge, the mind isn’t quite as sharp, daytime fatigue increases, and sleep is harder to come by. Even worse, who is that person in the mirror?  

    It’s a known fact that people are living longer, but that doesn’t make any of this easier to accept. Physical limitations and memory issues are just the tip of the iceberg. It will take a good deal of acceptance to adjust to this “new normal.”

    So, what are you supposed to do? Accept. Accept. Accept.  You have to accept your limitations before you can move forward.    

    Your choice.  Roll with the punches so to speak, or not. Start by acknowledging that life will never be the same again and try to move on from there.

    Change is never easy, especially when in your head you are still 26. Good mindset, but at some point, you are going to have to acknowledge that you will never be 26 again.  You are 70 or 80 or whatever. Your feet hurt, you are tired, your balance is off, and multitasking doesn’t work anymore.  

     Adapting means that you may have to switch up your routines. Running becomes speed walking, and then speed walking becomes a walk around the block.   It also means you need to suck it up and ask for help. Family and friends are there for you. Your local Council on Aging is there for you.

     Go ahead, grieve for what you have lost but then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. Create a new normal. Do the best that you can and applaud your accomplishments.   

  • Senior to Senior: Curiosity

    Are you still curious about the world around you? You may feel that you have been there, done that, and that nothing surprises you anymore, but you could be wrong.  

    Unfortunately inertia is rampant, and it keeps a good many seniors stuck in the past. Experience counts but it isn’t everything. There are still places to go and so many things to learn.

    How much time did you/do you spend looking for answers? Age is no excuse, even a child knows that. It is why they keep asking all of those pesky questions. Why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why? Drove you crazy, didn’t it? Hopefully they won’t, as you didn’t, accept that all too familiar phrase “because I said so.”

    It wasn’t the right answer then, and it isn’t the right answer now. The answers to most questions are out there, but you have to be curious enough to hunt for them. Do a little research and give your grands, as well as yourselves, a real, age appropriate, answer.

    Look for those answers together. It will be fun and it will spark even more questions. Besides, they will think you are the smartest person in the world.  

    It is never too late to learn something new, and to prove to yourself that curiosity never dies. One of the misguided stereotypical beliefs about aging is that curiosity dies, but studies indicate that this is not true.  Curiosity, researchers say, remains the same throughout a person’s lifetime, and older adults who remain curious tend to live longer than those who do not, which is reason enough.

    Take a few minutes to think, to appreciate, and jump at the chance to seek new experiences. Ask questions. There is no such thing as a dumb question, and you should never fear that you will sound ignorant if you ask why or how. We spend way too much time worrying about what someone else thinks about us instead of being intellectually curious.

     Start small.  Join a book club, learn a new language, take up gardening, ask questions.  Nobody knows everything, and you shouldn’t have to pretend that you do.

  • Finding Joy

    What happened to joy? It is still out there, it has to be, doesn’t it?  It may take a good sermon to jog your memory, but surely words like gratitude, appreciation, and awe count for something.   

    We tend to focus on the opposite of joy, which isn’t too surprising when the news focuses exclusively on anxiety, stress, sadness, unprecedentedness, disinterest, and mental health.  

    It takes a lot of effort to find joy, and if you wait too long you may miss it altogether. Don’t be like photographers or artists who only want to record perfect moments. For most of us, life is made up of a series of simple, quite ordinary, and not very memorable events.

    What if ordinary isn’t ordinary at all?  Can you learn to find joy in simple things? Try looking beyond the ordinary.  It won’t be easy. We have all been conditioned to believe that if something isn’t “extraordinary” it doesn’t count for anything.

    Wouldn’t you rather wake up in the morning thinking that joy is just around the corner? You can, if you train yourself to be creative, to be joyful. Your first job is to understand that creativity isn’t just about artistic talent. It is more than that, it is a special awareness that helps you recognize that the ordinary can be beautiful too.    

    Take ageing for example. It is hard to think of ageing as being extraordinary, or something to be joyful about, but it is, because not everyone gets to do it. We are so lucky.

    Schedule joy into your life. Start by making a “joy” list. Come on. Surely there are some joyful things that you want to do, Let me give you a few examples. How about meeting friends for lunch, walking your dog, reading the classics, or not. What about sipping a mocha latte, taking a class or joining a group?   You are never too old to enjoy something new.

     Last but not least, be good to yourself. Stay physically active, nurture social connections, keep your mind sharp, and prioritize self-care. Smile a little and let some joy into your life.

  • To Be Visible

    You have heard the expression “all babies look alike,” well, they say it about seniors too. It’s not true of course, but it seems that once you pass 65 you begin to fade into the woodwork. The assumption is that gray hair, wrinkles, and sore feet are a sure sign that dementia is not far behind.

    Doesn’t that make you just a little bit mad?  You may not be quite as tech savvy as today’s youngies, but your brain is still firing on all of the cylinders that count.  

    Still, you are not alone if you start doubting yourself. When service people avoid looking at you and addressing answer to “your questions” to someone else, it is a sign that they don’t think you will understand.

    It’s okay if you want to defer to your kid for advice, but you shouldn’t have to point out that you have several college degrees, have a good understanding of the English language, and are capable of logical decision making.

     Be wary of anyone patting you on the head or calling you “honey.” especially if it is your own children. Go ahead, give them the evil eye, but don’t be too harsh, just make sure they understand where you are coming from.

    Still the question arises. How are you supposed to make a difference when no one sees you?   As people grow older there are fewer opportunities to feel like they matter. Self-worth and identity suffer when you feel you are no longer relevant or productive.

    The onus is on you of course. To be or not to be, or visible or invisible?  Refuse to let others erase you from your space in the world. Be strong. Seniors do more in their communities than any other age group and they have an organization that is more powerful than even they understand.     

    And as for you; stop saying you are having senior moments. Have a life beyond your grandchildren, and for heaven’s sake keep your aches to yourself. Practice being visible, whether wearing a red hat or speaking up at city council meetings. Be interested and be interesting.